Two blonds were roofing a house. Blond #1 would pull out a nail and then hammer it into the roof. Then he would pull out another nail, look at it, then throw it over his shoulder. Blond #2 eventually saw what Blond #1 was doing, watched him a while and then said, "Why do you keep throwing out every other nail?" The Blond #1 replied, "Because their points are on the wrong end." The Blond #2 then said, "You airhead, those nails are for the other side of the roof!"
A man decides to re-roof his own house, and do it illegally Department. Almost finished with the roof, he struggles to eliminate the sag in the eaves at the end of the house when some rotted wood gives way beneath him. Ploop!! Right through the hole he goes, but he manages to grab the edge of the eaves as he falls. Unfortunately, the sudden weight of the falling man causes the edge of the roof to completely tear loose from the rest of the house, resulting in him falling twenty feet to the ground and getting pummelled with debris from the collapsed eaves. A witness hurries over to check on the man. He is alive, but badly hurt. The paramedics are called and he is taken to the hospital in agony. The man's injuries are serious enough that he spends six weeks in the hospital recovering. On his last day in the hospital, the police arrive and announce that he is under arrest for his activities from six weeks earlier. "What!?" exclaims the man. "You're going to arrest me for falling off my own roof?" "Oh no," replies the policeman. "We're arresting you for tearing off the edge of your roof without a permit. That's a clear case of...illegal eavesdropping."
And now for some pretty LAME ones...
Question: Why did the roofer go to the doctor? Answer:Because he had a bad case of SHINGLES... Question: Why did the roofer have to go to the dentist? Answer:He couldn't stop biting his NAILS... Question:How many lawyers does it take to roof a house? Answer: It depends on how thinly you slice them... (ICK!!)
Dennis the Roofer had a problem with getting up late in the boss was getting very angry with him, and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about the problem.
Dennis went to his doctor, who gave him a pill and told him to take it at night to help him sleep. Dennis slept very well, and actually got up before his alarm went off. After enjoying a leisurely breakfast, he cheerfully drove to work, where his boss greeted him at the job site. "Boss, the pill the doctor gave me actually worked!" he exclaimed. "How nice for you," his boss glared, "but where were you YESTERDAY?"
One day, three roofers were on a roof, taking a break and eating their lunches. The Mexican man got tacos, the Italian man got pasta, and the Blond-haired guy got a bologna and cheese sandwich. The Mexican guy said, "If I get tacos again tomorrow, I will jump off this roof!" The Italian guy said, "If I get pasta again tomorrow, I will jump off this roof!" The Blond-haired guy said, "If I get a bologna & cheese sandwich tomorrow, I will jump off this roof!" ----- The Next Day ---- All three guys looked in their lunch pails. Sure enough! The Mexican had tacos, the Italian got pasta and the Blond got bologna and cheese! Sooooo...they all jumped off the roof and they all died. ---- At Their Funeral ---- The Mexican's wife cried, "If I only knew he did not want tacos... He should have told me!" The Italian's wife cried, "If he did not want pasta, he should have told me!" The Blond's wife said crying, "Don't look at me... He made his own lunch!!"
number of the other workers. Based with past brushes with the law, many of these workers were considered prime suspects...they were a motley crew:
The electrician was suspected of wiretapping once
but was never charged.
The carpenter thought he was a stud.
He tried to frame another man one time.
The glazier went to great panes to conceal his past.
He still claims that he didn't do anything; that he was framed.
The painter had a brush with the law several years ago.
The heating, ventilation and air conditioning contractor was known to pack heat. He was arrested once but duct the charges.
The mason was suspect because he gets stoned regularly.
The cabinet maker is an accomplished counter fitter.
The roofer, though often high, claimed he was above it all.
The autopsy led the police to arrest the roofer, who subsequently confessed. The evidence against him was irrefutable, because it was found that the workman, when he died, was hammered.
Steven Landeros, Owner of Landeros Roofing Solutions, and two of his roofing crew are tearing off an old roof during one of their re-roof projects. Lo and behold, beneath the rotted substrate, they discover an old, tarnished lamp. As they rub the lamp to shine it up, a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you 3 wishes, but since there are 3 of you, I will simply grant each of you one wish."
One junior roofer eagerly says, "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful people who worship me." The genie grants him his wish and sends him off to St. Thomas. The other junior roofer eagerly jumps in and says, "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie grants him his wish as well and sends him off to the Mediterranean. Last, but not least, it was Steven Landeros' turn. "And what would your wish be?" asks the genie. Steven says with a grin, "Let me take a lunch break and then I want those two back on the roof!!"