Have a SMILE on Us!!
Blonds and roofing don't mix...
    Two blonds were roofing a house.  Blond #1 would pull out a nail and then
    hammer it into the roof.  Then he would pull out another nail, look at it, then
    throw it over his shoulder.  Blond #2 eventually saw what Blond #1 was
    doing, watched him a while and then said, "Why do you keep throwing out
    every other nail?"  The Blond #1 replied, "Because their points are on the
    wrong end."  The Blond #2 then said, "You airhead, those nails are for the
    other side of the roof!"

    A homeowner decides to re-roof his own house without
    getting a permit from the local Building Department.

    Almost finished with the roof, he struggles to eliminate the
    sag in the eaves at the end of the house when some rotted
    wood gives way beneath him.  Ploop!!  Right through the
    hole he goes, but he manages to grab the edge of the eaves as he falls.

    Unfortunately, the sudden weight of the falling man causes the edge of the
    roof to completely tear loose from the rest of the house, resulting in him
    falling twenty feet to the ground and getting pummelled with debris from
    the collapsed eaves.

    A witness hurries over to check on the man. He is alive, but badly hurt.
    The paramedics are called and he is taken to the hospital in agony.

    The man's injuries are serious enough that he spends six weeks in the
    hospital recovering.  On his last day in the hospital, the police arrive and
    announce that he is under arrest for his activities from six weeks earlier.

    "What!?" exclaims the man. "You're going to arrest me for falling off my
    own roof?"

    "Oh no," replies the policeman. "We're arresting you for tearing off the
    edge of your roof without a permit and THEN falling off your own roof.
    It's a clear case of...illegal eavesdropping."
And now for some pretty LAME ones...

    Question:  Why did the roofer go to the doctor?
    Answer:  Because he had a bad case of SHINGLES...

    Question:  Why did the roofer have to go to the dentist?
    Answer:  He couldn't stop biting his NAILS...

    Question:  How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
    Answer:  It depends on how thinly you slice them...  (ICK!!)
    Dennis the Roofer had a problem with getting up late in the
    mornings.  His boss was getting very angry with him, and
    threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about the
    problem.

    Dennis went to his doctor, who gave him a pill and told him to take it at
    night to help him sleep.  Dennis slept very well, and actually got up
    before his alarm went off.  After enjoying a leisurely breakfast, he
    cheerfully drove to work, where his boss greeted him at the job site.

    "Boss, the pill the doctor gave me actually worked!" he exclaimed.

    "How nice for you," his boss glared, "but where were you YESTERDAY?"
******************************************************

Did you hear the joke about the roof?  
Awww, never mind... It's over your head!!

******************************************************
Really... Another Blond Roofer Joke?

    One day, three roofers were on a roof, taking a break and eating their
    lunches.  The Mexican man got tacos, the Italian man got pasta, and
    the Blond-haired guy got a bologna and cheese sandwich.

    The Mexican guy said, "If I get tacos again tomorrow, I will jump off this roof!"
    The Italian guy said, "If I get pasta again tomorrow, I will jump off this roof!"
    The Blond-haired guy said,
    "If I get a bologna & cheese sandwich tomorrow, I will jump off this roof!"

    ----- The Next Day ----
    All three guys looked in their lunch pails.  Sure enough!  The Mexican had
    tacos, the Italian got pasta and the Blond got bologna and cheese!  
    Sooooo...they all jumped off the roof and they all died.

    ---- At Their Funeral ----
    The Mexican's wife cried,
    "If I only knew he did not want tacos... He should have told me!"

    The Italian's wife cried, "If he did not want pasta, he should have told me!"

    The Blond's wife said crying,
    "Don't look at me... He made his own lunch!!"
A workman was killed at a construction site.  The police began questioning a number
of the other workers.  Based with past brushes with the law, many of these workers
were considered prime suspects...they were a motley crew:

  • The electrician was suspected of wiretapping once
    but was never charged.

  • The carpenter thought he was a stud.  
    He tried to frame another man one time.

  • The glazier went to great panes to conceal his past.  
    He still claims that he didn't do anything; that he was framed.

  • The painter had a brush with the law several years ago.

  • The heating, ventilation and air conditioning contractor was known to
    pack heat.  He was arrested once but duct the charges.

  • The mason was suspect because he gets stoned regularly.

  • The cabinet maker is an accomplished counter fitter.

  • The roofer, though often high, claimed he was above it all.

    The autopsy led the police to arrest the roofer, who subsequently confessed.  
    The evidence against him was irrefutable, because it was found that the
    workman, when he died, was hammered.
    Steven Landeros, Owner of Landeros Roofing Solutions, and two
    of his roofing crew are tearing off an old roof during one of their
    they discover an old, tarnished lamp.  As they rub the lamp to 3
    wishes, but since there are 3 of you, I will simply grant each of
    you one wish."

    One junior roofer eagerly says, "I would like to spend the rest of my life living
    in a huge house in St. Thomas, with no money worries and surrounded by
    beautiful people who worship me."

    The genie grants him his wish and sends him off to St. Thomas.

    The other junior roofer eagerly jumps in and says, "I would like to spend the
    rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean, with no
    money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me."

    The genie grants him his wish as well and sends him off to the Mediterranean.

    Last, but not least, it was Steven Landeros' turn.

    "And what would your wish be?" asks the genie.

    Steven says with a grin,
    "Let me take a lunch break and then I want those two back on the roof!!"

    HAVE YOU EVEN SMILED???

    WHAT??!!!???

    OH, COME ON.... YES YOU HAVE!!!!

KEEP GOING IF YOU DARE...
Bessie obviously
never paid attention
to the stuff she was
taught in her ladder
safety classes!!
(NOPE, they are NOT original...
but they made US laugh when
we found them elsewhere on
the Internet!!)
    Paddy is doing some roofing for Murphy.  He nears the top of
    the ladder and starts shaking and going dizzy.

    He calls down to Murphy and says, "I tink I will ave to go home,
    I've gone all giddy and I feel sick."

    Murphy asks, "Ave yer got vertigo, Paddy?"

    Paddy replies, "No, I only live round the corner."